10 (+1) Practical Tips for Helping Men on the Journey
“Tips for a better life” just seems so cliché and like something you would see smeared on the cover of a cheap checkout aisle magazine. But, we do live in very confusing and overwrought times. We are pulled in a thousand different directions, each with its own million possibilities and options. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and to lose sight of what’s important in the midst of the whirlwind of informational and entertaining chaos.
So I wanted to put together a list of things Christian men can start to do that might help develop some more strength, focus, intention and clear thinking in their lives. These are not excessively insightful suggestions or particularly pious disciplines. They are simple things we can all be working on in our day-to-day lives that can help to sharpen our priorities, remind us of what’s important and then begin to build the discipline of maintaining those priorities and pursuing those important goals. Put another way, they are meant to help us become better men by strengthening several things that true masculinity requires: things like resilience, focus, consistency, discipline and confidence.
These are all things I have either begun to work on myself and will be right there with you trying to improve on if you choose to join me. I’m definitely not prescribing medicine I’m not taking here.
Men, the world would have us passive, dependent, lazy and satisfied with our own mediocrity. God would have us courageous, active and in pursuit of strength, wisdom and capability. I lived in Colorado for the majority of my life. Ascending mountains doesn’t require great feats of incredible athleticism, but small, regular, intentional steps: one after the other, set toward the direction of the goal and dedicated to reaching it. As Tolkien wrote, “Little by little, one travels far.”
So I invite you to read the following list and see if there aren’t some ideas here that you could take as impetus to start working on something. Be sure to let me know what you think if you decide to start on any of this. Godspeed, gentlemen.
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1. Workout.
I know many of us feel allergic to the idea of physical exercise, but listen to me on two things: First, if you understand how the gym works, you have a working metaphor for almost every other important thing in your life. Physical discipline shadows spiritual and mental discipline (I Timothy 4:7-8). Determination, consistency, resilience, and a willingness to pick yourself back up and try again are all principles you can learn in the gym that will apply directly to your walk with Christ, your work and your family. Secondly, we are complete beings. Our bodies matter. They are gifts to be stewarded and leveraged. And getting stronger and more capable is what manhood and sanctification are all about. So whether it’s lifting weights, running, hiking, martial arts or some other form of training, get yourself into the habit of getting after it. Your body, your mind and your spirit will all thank you.
2. Only multitask when you absolutely have to.
We are a distracted people living in a distracted age. Decide to actively fight back against it. Focus on the task at hand and do what you have to do to maintain that focus. It may not happen easily or naturally. It may take a number of trial-and-error attempts to start to figure things out. But when it comes to doing important things, discipline yourself to minimize distraction. Put the phone away when you have to. Turn off the notifications. Set timers for yourself to work on things for 30 minutes or an hour at a time and don't stop until the timer goes off. Shut the door. Tell loved ones that the time is important to you and not to interrupt unless it’s of vital importance. But work on your work when it’s time to work and then stop when it’s time to stop. Fight distraction and refuse to be pulled in multiple directions. One thing at a time.
3. Get your screen time down.
I’m sure you’ve probably noticed this already, but people have gotten straight addicted to their smart phones. In between coffee and phones, it’s a wonder that we still call things like heroin and crystal meth “hard drugs”. Insidious forces are at play in our day and age and some of the worst are coming in the form of psychological and marketing techniques designed to have us looking at our phones as much as possible. App developers are learning from casinos about how to keep you engaged with their products. There is a lot of money to be made from people’s attention, and Silicon Valley is intent on making as much of it as they can. Be aware. Like people who begin to count their calories for their first diet, most of us would be astounded to learn just how many minutes of every day we spend staring at our screens. Leverage the tools God has allowed you to have, but do not let them rule you. Let your time online be guided by intention and not mindlessness.
4. Read. Every single day.
One of the recommendations Nicholas Carr gives in The Shallows to push back against the effect the internet has on our brains is to devote yourself to reading real books every day. Linear thinking - the kind deployed when reading books: a to b, b to c, c to d, and so on - is an important part of the human mind that is being degraded by our internet-saturated culture. Beyond that, books open doors to some of the best experiences of imagination and thought in all of human life. We have been given something indescribably precious in our modern age: living on this side of the printing press and digitization enables us to read almost anything in almost any way we like. To not read is to reject a gift most people throughout history would have given almost anything to receive. It is an embarrassment of riches that far too many of us are completely ignoring. And that ignorance is resulting in tragic consequences not just in our own personal lives, but in our churches, our government and our society, as well. Your mind is a muscle. Books are its gym. Your body is not the only thing that will atrophy if you refuse to use it.
5. Work on memorizing Scripture.
Psalm 119:11 reads, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Put simply, we tend to remember the things we love. We memorize lines from movies and television shows because we watch them enough times to cement them in our minds. There are entire internet sites dedicated to the inspirational and memorable quotes of authors, poets and thinkers. Put simply, time and repetition add up to memory. And memory is the key to meditation, reflection and thinking God’s thoughts after Him. There are loads of good apps out there to help you with this. I use one called Verses and could not recommend it enough. There are also some great apps, like Dwell, that have developed incredible ways of reading the Bible to you (like an audiobook). There are many different tools to use to start anchoring your mind to the words of Scripture. The question, then, becomes one of intention and dedication.
6. Develop a hobby.
It is good to have creative release and stimulating, engaging forms of relaxation. It’s good to have things in your life that you look forward to that can also be set aside from time to time with no real loss or impediment to your character or life as a whole. It is good to have things in your life that you find fun, regardless of whether or not anyone else understands them. Hobbies can be simplistic or challenging, there can be room for growth or just time to unwind. But it’s good to have things that you love to explore, investigate, attempt or construct without the undue pressure of needing to get paid for it. Having fun is important and being able to delve into things you find interesting without any pressure of performance is refreshing and inspirational for your spirit. Don’t overlook - quote/unquote - “non-productive” time.
7. Learn how to cook.
This isn’t about hosting the entire extended family for holiday dinner or competing on the Food Network. But it’s good to know how to make a few things and, even better, to feel comfortable enough in the kitchen to make something from a recipe. Real food is important to a healthier life and being able to competently prepare it is key. It’s not like you need to go to cooking school or stock the pantry with a bunch of exotic ingredients, but knowing more than how to throw a Hot Pocket in the microwave is a definite benefit to your life.
8. Get your word whiskers under control.
Like. Just. Dude. Um. Uh. Over and over and over again. Realize what’s happening here and work to counteract it. You have two things going on, probably at the same time: first, your brain is outpacing your speech. Stop, slow down and allow your thoughts to form before speaking them. It can feel very easy and natural to get excited and want to get what’s inside your head out as quickly as possible. Take your time. Secondly, you’re unwittingly conforming to the larger culture around you. You hear these word whiskers all the time, along with the trendy, of-the-moment phrases that seem to emerge from nowhere and end up saturating everybody’s talk patterns: “I’m here for it.” “Literally.” “Let’s go!” If you’re not cognizant of them, they’ll infiltrate your mind and start to influence your speech. Realize that what’s happening is as much a product of allowing other people’s voices into your head as it is a failure to give your own thoughts enough time to properly find their way out and you’ll have the key to beginning to gain control over your words.
9. Don’t say, “I’m sorry,” when what you mean is, “Excuse me.”
Similar to controlling your word whiskers: get in the habit of making sure your words and your meanings line up precisely with one another. Say, “I’m sorry,” when you realize you’ve done something wrong and genuinely mean to apologize. Not, for instance, when you reach for your water bottle at the gym just as someone else reaches for a towel and you both end up accidentally getting in each other’s way. That is not a place for an apology: nobody has done anything wrong. Words are important and their meanings are important. Our culture has lost the value of words and good communication and we should seek to resist the flow of that deterioration. Strive to mean exactly what you say and to say just what you mean.
10. Stop qualifying everything you say.
Following along right after the idea of meaning what you say, work to break any habit you have of needless qualification before saying what needs to be said. Go read the Gospels. What you won’t find is Jesus Christ setting up His parables, the Sermon on the Mount, or His confrontation of Pharisees and false teachers with, “Now, I know this may sound harsh and some of you may not like what I have to say, but…” Our culture is absolutely high-centered on niceness. We cannot get over the hump of not wanting to hurt somebody’s feelings. Look: the truth can hurt. It can be hard to hear. But every single one of us needs it like we need air and water. Qualification may sometimes be necessary. But more often than not, it becomes a way for people to try and have things both ways: to say what needs to be said but without having people get upset with them for it. Niceness may be nice, but it isn’t always good (and sometimes it’s absolutely wicked). You don’t need to try to be a jerk, but say what needs to be said and be prepared to deal with the fallout. Stop trying to protect everyone from everything.
11. Walk upright. Shoulders back. Chest out.
Present yourself as a serious person, regardless of your particular job or social position. If you are the son of the living God, then you should be about the serious work to which He has called you. Embrace your identity as His child. Acknowledge that you will get taken advantage of and ridiculed and cheated in this life, and you will fail to live up to both the standards of God and those you hold for yourself (Romans 7:15-25). Your hypocrisy and inadequacy are why you fell on your knees before Christ in the first place. But walk in the confidence He has called you to walk in: as a man, as a forgiven sinner, as an obedient servant of Christ. Let your confidence flow from what you have been called and justified to be, regardless of your particular achievements. Notice that the confidence bequeathed to you in the Scriptures is not borne of arrogance or conceit or competition. But it is the knowledge that you have been created and placed where you are for a purpose. “Little children, you are from God and have overcome… for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world,” (I John 4:4). Presenting yourself seriously and respectfully will reinforce the command to see others with the dignity of image bearers of God, as well. Make eye contact. Use a firm handshake. Treat yourself and other people like they matter. Live your life with confidence. Just make sure that confidence is rooted in the proper place.
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